burnt out.

so its been a few days since i wrote in this blog. much has happened, kind of. saturday me, flavia, jana and flavias friends all went to a halloween party. it was pretty great. all kinds of new people and free booze for a portion of the night. cant beat it. i really needed a good houseparty.

other than that, i've been cooped(sp) up in my house since sunday. i have been more unproductive in the past week than i have been in my whole life. its almost depressing. ive been sleeping till noon or later, which i NEVER do. ive always felt bad getting up past 10 or 11. and im always tired. i know what i need to do: get a job. i want to go to agent provocateur sometime realllll soon and try for a job. i love that store so much. i dont care if they pay squat. what girl couldnt use amazing lingerie with a discount(hopefully)?

i was doing homework really late last night and noticed a towncar outside with a man waving at me. it was my driver from friday!!! i couldnt fucking believe it. so i went downstairs to say hi and he offered to smoke me out. so i took it. but then ryan called and was in my apartment. so i had to end it. BUT he gave me a joint for later which i am about to smoke with my neighbor.

i'll report back soon!

towncar or no towncar?

so last night was a freaking blast. jana came over, we had a glass of wine and then headed out to the mission where flavia was. we ended up going to brunos which was super fucking cool. AWESOME dj and the people there were cool. cant beat it. although i'm broke as hell, it still was a good time. but a ghost spilt my first drink, ugh..us girls had free drinks for a lot of the night, which is really unusual for me. i just cant have guys buy me drinks. some girls, a lot of them my friends, can walk up to a guy and BAM. they have free drinks all night long. it never works out like that for me, some nights are exceptions. but i'm not complaining. so anyways, me and jana left brunos and went to majual (sp) down the street. it was like 1:15 and we got in for free, thank god. so we hung out there for a hot minute. it was pretty lamo, but whatever. so were on the street chatting and i go to hail a cab back to my apartment when i see this towncar. i couldnt see anyone in the back because of the tinted windows, but i walked up to the side passenger door and ask for a ride home. he was totally cool and i got in the back, VIP style, and we headed off. so were driving and talking and he looked at me and said "why dont you get up here and we can pick some more people up." im totally down. i climb to the front and we stop at this bar with like a million people outside. some guy with 2 chicks knocks on the window and asks for a ride back to their hotel. they get in the back and they hear the drivers accent (french arabic) and they ask me where i'm from. i dont say anything and they immediately think north africa..or nigeria. ok, why not. so i go along with it and they keep trying to ask me all these damn questions..by the way, i officially feel really bad for foreigners in the states. all these damn questions. i try and put on an accent and tell them me and the driver have been dating for 2yrs and that we had our friday night date in the towncar picking up people. the driver now wants us all to go to an afterparty and we agree. we go to one and the cover is like 30 bucks. fuck that. i'm broke. so we leave and take those drunk people back to their hotel. BTW, one of the girls that was in the back was the roommate of a guy that was obsessed with jana earlier in the night. funny shit. small world. so anyways, we drop them off and decide we should go to a cafe downtown by my house. super good food. then we leave and smoke a joint in front of my apartment-can you believe it: THERE WAS ACTUALLY PARKING IN FRONT OF MY APARTMENT? that never happens. so its now like 4:30. he drives away and i go to bed. great fucking night. here's the driver:



so i woke up late as hell. thanks to flavia for calling me and waking me up. i could have slept till 2. i've been kind of depressed..well, more like down in the dumps all day..sometimes i get confused about all the stupid stuff.

oh, here's a pic i found of aaron and myself.

poor diego and his backpack.

well, i spent the entire latter part of the day stuck in SF traffic. fucking christ. diego crashed at my pad last night and we woke up at like 12, i was hungover. i think its just the beer that gets me. cuz i really didnt get that drunk last night. i was mostly just buzzed the entire evening. it was fun though. we missed the nike premier, but we got to the afterparty. i met a lot of really cool people and it was fun hanging with new people. cant beat it. too bad all of em live in sac. oh, well. the city was kind of dead though. we went to some place at 16th and mission, forgot what it was called. but it was fun and then we jumped around. one of the guys we were with was propositioned 300 bucks or something to have sex with some really young girl in the back of this limo. i guess nothing happened and they just made out. wtf. i had to get this straight, he was in a limo with one drunk (i think) girl and NOTHING happened. it seems quite impossible. before even going out i spent like 2 hours researching sade music. i sat on youtube and watched EVERY live appearance and music video. it was great. my mom always listened to her and it mustof grew on me. its so freaking romantic.




anyways, today we woke up and had to fetch diegos car in the mission. but we just found out the bag with his sneakers, clothes and board were stollen from his car. not good. but we kind of expected SOMETHING to happen. too bad. i hate stealers. so we went to berkley and had chipotle, test drove a land rover and got stuck in traffic coming across the bridge and downtown for over an hour. ughhhhh. now, i'm headed out with jana and hopefully flavia. we'll see what happens....

my stomach hurts..

dima and some fellow classmates told me last week that i probably have ulsers. i'm really starting to believe it. apparently theyre stress induced. wow, i'm under some stress. my back hurts, too. i always get scared when my back unexplainably hurts. when i was 16 i had to go the hospital for a week because my kidneys were so fucked up. i'm officially scared now.

anyways, jana came over last night. we watched bridget jones's diary and heard some crackhead/drunk throw things in the middle of the street. a BUSY street. fucking asshole. i wanted to call the po-po's but i didnt think theyd care. i think the guy was just pissed off at the world. i seen a bum on 2nd street with a forty passed out and his pants to his knees. his ass was so chaffed that i was actually scared for him. a guy in my class today was telling me about some bum outside of starbucks at 8am pooping. well, he was first screaming at the sky and then bent over and pulled down his pants and started to shoot out diahrea from his ass. wow, i'm not sad i missed that. gotta love SF just for the crazy bum stunts.

everytime i walk into that bookarts class i want to shoot myself. literally, commit fucking suicide. i dont know why. its crazy and i dont feel that way about ANYWHERE else. just whenever i walk into the class i start to tear up. weird, i know.

so i google imaged "FUCK" earlier today and this is what came up:


i get to go to the nike video premier and afterparty with diego tomorrow night!! im so f'ing excited. BUT when i was home over the wknd, i left my fav nike's at sarah's parents house. and i went to pick em up on the way to the airport and they got transported across the world (well, more like across town). so now i have a nike party to go to and i cant wear my favorite nikes! ahhhhh.

want to buy me these?





theyve been sold out since the beginning of time. you get me these and i'm a sure thing. ;)

its tuesday and i have homework.

so this is my first blog and i probably really suck at it, but whatever.
so what i have for you today is this: my life freaking sucks at this moment. well, not completely, but it does A LOT. ive been dealing with my parents financial advisor, scott, who can be really good-for-nothing. but he looks like ken (barbies boyfriend), so he can really get away with a lot. its amazing how far good looks can get you. he would know. but he wont give me money, and hes supposed to. and i have a great lawyer, art, that i love. more than life. i need to be his stepdaughter or something. he counsels me. i pay him $275/hr to counsel me on how to talk to scott. wtf. not fair. but whatev. so, i'm broke. dead broke. scott told me WEEKS ago that i was supposed to have money in the bank, and i have nothing. notta. and i just got this new apartment. wtf. and comcast came, they need to be paid..and i maxed out my credit cards. but hey, i have a bed. so im sweating most of the day. reality is harsh. i'm starting to deal with it. and it aint good. i cant believe how someones life can change so much in just 9 months. its crazy. my dad and stepmom just passed away and i still cant believe it. i feel like now its hitting me. i've been saying "wtf" to myself for months now. but i feel so strong lately. i KNOW im strong. i'm living in SF by myself with no help, going to school full time, i was working full time (now i dont have to, so i'm not) and dealing with the fact that the 2 most important people in my life have gone away forever. i'm glad theyre together, thats where she wanted to be. still. that only helps for a second. then im back to square one. i've been single for a while now, too. its got to be so much easier to deal with these kinds of things with someone by your side.


so, newer, way better news: i've known this guy, aaron, for a few yrs now. we never talked. ever. i never wanted to. he seemed like deuche bag. i dont know why. he always had a gf, too. so i went back to detroit for a month in august. i got drunk at the rock room. he was there. so i decided, fuck it, i'll talk to him. but i KEPT talking. didnt stop. flirting really bad, it was terrible. i was super embarrased the next day. so we talked on myspace after that and he wanted to hang out when i got bk to detroit this past wknd. i told him to call me because i really dont call people back, especially if i havent talked to you on the phone before. its weird, i know. so he called me a few hrs after i got off the plane. we met up at rosie o'gradys that night. i've been hooked ever since. we hung out everyday while i was home. spooned several times. it was incredible. then i had to go to back to SF. worst day of my life. so now, i'm stuck here in SF and constantly thinking about him. this is us:





ok, diego and jana are about to come ova. i'm off for now. talk with you soon.

xox.